Posted March 5, 2008
By Elizabeth

Every respective gym-goer knows there are two times of year to hit the sack instead of the weights: the two weeks after Jan. 1 and the two weeks before Spring Break. Two weeks happens to be the precise amount of time it takes for all of the New Year’s resolutions to materialize into milkshakes, and come March, what people think is ample time to burn off the gazillion calories consumed in said milkshakes.
America, you’re wrong. According to Trust for America’s Health (TFAH), over two-thirds of U.S. adults are overweight or obese. And we’re all looking for that quick fix to undo the dozen Krispie Kreme donuts we just downed because the “Hot Now” sign was blazing.
But is there such thing as a quick fix? Is there some magic pill or diet that melts away pounds while we lounge on the La-Z-Boy? Fad diets and books by famous people with little to no medical credibility claim to hold the secrets for $19.95 plus shipping and handling. Why America believes Suzanne Somers, Chuck Norris and Dr. Phil are weight loss gurus is beyond us. Dr. Phil? Really? So what really works and what doesn’t to look great in that itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie-yellow-polka-dot bikini? Don’t have your cake or eat it. In fact, don’t even buy it, smell it, look at it, touch it, taste it, etc.
TFAH reported in 2006 that 27.8 percent of us in the great state of South Carolina are obese- ranking us a solid eighth in the race for fattest. Not good news for those taking their itsy-bitsy bikinis south to 34th-fattest Florida. Mississippi took home the top prize in all of its down home, fried-and-breaded, country cookin’ glory.
Since it’s way too late to lose all of those pounds the healthy way, Bootleg brings you some of the most popular (and some of the most repulsive) fad diets. Like the grapefruit or cabbage soup diets. These strict regimens vow to peel away the pounds in record time.
Promising 10 pounds in 12 days, experts say the grapefruit diet is strictly short term and won’t help you lose the weight permanently. The diet allows for “meals” (proportioned for Frodo and friends) — restricting daily caloric intake to 800- 700 calories less than the recommended 1500 for a five-foot, six-inch 140-pound woman.
And who the hell is going to down a pot of cabbage soup every day for a week? Gag. A more appetizing alternative, the Atkins Nutritional Approach, took America by the love handles in 2003. The craze, adapted by Dr. Robert Atkins, focuses on restricting carbohydrates in order to burn stored body fat instead of glucose, found in carbs. According to BBC News, at the height of its popularity, one in 11 North American adults was on the Atkins diet. Unfortunately, most Atkins suckers found themselves at a heavier weight after they stopped following the diet than when they started. But the diet does show impressive short-term losses — mostly accounting for water weight.
Then again, there’s always the celebutante diet of nothing and drugs. Success stories: Nicole Richie and Lindsey Lohan. The real secret? Start early. The only healthy way to lose that jiggle for good is to eat less and exercise more. Or you could always vacation in Mississippi.