It seems like everywhere you go, a penis is staring back at you. I don’t mean that there’s been a recent outbreak in flashing throughout the nation. 2008 is shaping up to be the Year of the Penis. Oscar Meyer’s stock has never been higher.
Male full frontal nudity is one of the last taboos in film, something that can still provoke unease and commentary long after female nudity has been exhausted. Plus, no one wants to see a guy’s junk, at least not onscreen. It makes us men feel envious even if we’re hung like a pack mule. Am I right, guys?
Going back to antiquity, men have sought to glorify their own meat swords in various ways, mostly to impress women. Those columns on Greek and Roman buildings weren’t necessary, folks; the architect was showing off. The statue of “David” might not have an impressive package, but it is hanging out there for the world to see. And, if you’re so inclined, phallic images abound in films that have nothing to do with sex nominally. The main weapon of the Jedi knights is basically a massive lighted cock. I’m guessing that if the Emperor could get it up, he wouldn’t be building some sort of “Death Star” to show how powerful he was. Hell, the world ends in “Dr. Strangelove” because a deranged general can’t come to attention, metaphorically speaking.
But leave it to Judd Apatow to bring the penis back to full display. First, we saw Steve Carell and his morning wood in “The Forty-Year Old Virgin,” then indulged in a little artistic representation of the phallus in “Superbad.” This led to an entire book of penis drawings from the movie being published. And his latest flick, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” has some more exposure for the penis. It’s probably the one regular cast member to pop up in all his films, so to speak.
It’s safe to say that men have a love/hate relationship with their special little guys. Sometimes they’re our best friend, and sometimes they spring up at a time when they’re not really wanted. Puberty is a time when at any moment, your penis could become the chest-bursting thing with fangs from “Alien.” Then, when you get older, it can let you down when you most want it to show up. Plus, there’s the whole thing about it being the one area that you don’t wanted kicked, which means that it’s the first place someone goes whenever they really want to hurt you.
But the penis is out there, so to speak, and that’s the sort of one-eyed monster that won’t fit back in the box. I could make a crude joke about why that is (i.e., “it’s too huge!”), but that’s not my style. Please, let’s be mature about this, people!
