Hey, at least they don't cheat (like the Patriots)
It’s summer time, and the living is not so easy. If you were hoping for some bold, fresh, original television programming, you’re up a certain kind of creek without a paddle. My advice: go outside, see some friends, maybe even read a book.
But for those of you who will defy any and all attempts by the networks to push you away, I say that there is one shining beacon of originality, one last light in the fire of Western civilization, one last hope for mankind.
Who am I kidding? I’m talking about the new “American Gladiators.”
The show that kept strike-ridden NBC from sinking in the toilet is back, and it’s “better than ever.” I suppose that when “ever” means “something so bad that they don’t even have to write jokes about it when they show clips on ‘The Soup’,” you can only go up from there.
Perhaps I’m being too harsh; after all, the original version wasn’t Shakespeare in the park. For the record, let’s just try to rid ourselves of the built-in snobbery that “Gladiators” seems to elicit (and by “ourselves” I mean “me in particular.” For all I know, you guys could love this crap). The long-running battle between high and low art is trench warfare at this point, and neither side has much going for it. When you talk about highbrow television art, you’re likely to stumble across “Frasier.” And in terms of lowbrow, you get its equivalent in “Squidbillies.” And neither show is likely to change the way that America-hating terrorists perceive us.
But there’s something lost in the new “Gladiators”: the sense of campy fun that doomed the original to a short, but shining, life. Consider the Nerf-sponsored obstacle course, the cheesy nicknames for the athletes (Storm! Blaze! Second-Hand Smoke!), and the earnest contestants, all overseen by an announcing team that would get excited if their popcorn came out of the microwave just right (judging by the overzealous reactions that they gave to various feats of derring-don’t). We’ve lost that, America.
To think, the strike-shortened season actually ended right on schedule, before May could turn into June. We were promised more than that, and yet come the end of the month it’s going to be “Deal or No Deal: Russian Roulette” and “America’s Still Got No Talent.” No wonder Osama hates us: he’s just as caught up in Jim and Pam from “The Office” as we are.
But summer isn’t just about what isn’t on TV. It’s about what IS, whether it’s reruns of “Cheaters” or “Barney and Friends.” With that being said, let me reiterate my original statement.
Go outside, enjoy the weather, talk to your friends, and read a book. Trust me, you’re not missing anything.
