To introduce this bizarre, seemingly out-of-the-blue column, two random facts about your diligent tech-nerd: 1) I was a two-year letter winner for my high school tennis team. 2) I’m an aficionado of the eight-bit Nintendo Entertainment System.
So when tennis outfitter Prince, makers of my ‘ace-cannon’ racket, announced plans to release a gadget to transform Nintendo’s Wii-mote into a tennis racket, well, the stars aligned.
Nintendo’s long and illustrious history of video game gadgetry includes the classic Zapper gun (for sniping ducks and taking potshots at that damn laughing dog), the Power Pad (run in place? yea!) and the Power Glove (which looked completely awesome but had all the functionality of meatloaf). Prince’s Wii-mote tennis racket is a device in that tradition: more style than substance. The $14.99 contraption won’t better your virtual serves or add slice to Mario’s drop shots, but it looks neat-o. This style-over-functionality Wii-mote racket got me thinking, “What other aesthetic upgrades can we make to gaming gadgets?”
Guitar Hero and its sequels are an industry titan. The rock star-rhythm game even appeared on the front page of the Wall Street Journal, wherein Jonathan Davis, front man for Korn, admitted he plays the game constantly. The only real downside to Guitar Hero is players must strum a boring quasi-Gibson guitar controller. I propose Activision, in conjunction with Fender, release interchangeable skins for the Guitar Hero remote. If Van Halen’s “Jump” appears, then swap your SG for the classic EVH “Frankenstrat.” For Weezer-type alternative tracks, a sticker-laden Stratocaster skin should be available. A Jaguar for rocking Nirvana, a classic Tele for wailing some Waylon Jennings; the possibilities are endless.
But in gaming, there is no bigger name than Halo’s ¸ber-hero, Master Chief. If Nintendo can transform their controller into a racket for a tennis game, then Microsoft needs to upgrade their Xbox Live headsets to Master Chief helmets for Halo players. For the die-hard Halo acolytes, it’s all about online play. Guzzle a few Red Bulls, grab your remote, put on your headset and talk trash to a Malaysian kid whilst defiling his fallen avatar with a plasma sword. If you added a fully-functional Master Chief helmet to the equation, these kids would never see sunlight. At least it would cover any unsightly acne.
All kidding aside, that last one sounds like a pretty good idea. Considering the blistering-hot sales numbers for Halo 3, the market should be full of fanboys willing to kill their aunties for a fully functional Master Chief walkie-talkie helmet. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make a quick trip to the patent office.
