Come on, I should be seeing more hands. There’s a reason O.J. Simpson’s book topped at least three bestselling nonfiction lists. For those who did, I have a few questions:
–Do you think he did it?
–Do you care?
–Why did you buy the tome online and not the local Books-a-Million? Is it one of those “guilty pleasure” reads you don’t want others to see, like an issue of Playboy or a romance novel with Fabio’s face on the cover? Is it because you might commit double homicide yourself if you hear a Books-a-Million clerk ask you if you want a rewards card one more time?
–Was the answer to the above question “both A and B”?
–Aren’t you glad they replaced the cover? Didn’t it creep the shit out of you to see O.J. stare at you with the enlarged title font? Would you really have wanted that on your nightstand?
–How small is the “If” on the book’s cover? Is it small like a needle in a haystack or is it small like “If I Did It” in a sea of literary merit?
–Why couldn’t proceeds from the book go to domestic violence victim shelters, or non-profit agencies promoting gun violence awareness and prevention or something other than the Ron Goldman Foundation for Justice?
–Didn’t you laugh at least a little when you first saw the name Ron Goldman Foundation for Justice? Kind of silly, right?
–Wait a second, Foundation for Justice? What kind of justice? Is it that the “Southern justice” everyone’s talking about these days?
–Speaking of which, did you get caught watching the Jena 6 edition of “Dr. Phil” the same way I caught my mom watching it? Did you sit there with a vapid facial expression, without retaining a single shred of insight, like she did?
–How much do you think the ghostwriter made? Do you think he put it on his resume? Do you think the other resume items melted on the paper when he added it?
–Come to think of it, don’t you wish MTV still made shows like “True Life” so they could do “True Life: I’m a Ghostwriter”?
–How many times do you think people involved with this book heard the phrase, “get over it”?
–I bet you know what Britney Spears had for lunch yesterday, don’t you?
–Who is the president of Iran and what university did he speak at recently?
