The time has come to inform the Clark Griswalds of this world that their pride and joy is not beautiful. It’s tacky.
Christmas is soon to be in full force and you know what that means—lights and lots of ‘em. If you’re like me, Christmas light displays often leave you laughing and cringing at the same time. While such decorations are a source of much entertainment, much like informing a stranger that they have spinach in their teeth, the time has come to inform the Clark Griswalds of this world that their pride and joy is not beautiful. It’s tacky.
When it comes to Christmas lights, there are some concrete don’ts. First and foremost, leave the giant inflatable Santa behind. Anything inflatable does not belong in your yard. EVER. There’s nothing cute or fun about a house-sized, neon red and white St. Nicholas floating around in your front yard.
People are not circling your house because they think your decorations are amazing and are looking for tips. No, they are making a video of your house that will later be posted on YouTube under the title “Worst Christmas Lights Ever.” It’s just tacky—no matter what the commercials will have you believe. Wave bye-bye, and move on.
Number two, covering your entire house and yard in lights is a no-no. Next month’s power bill will cause you to live off of SpaghettiO’s for the rest of the year. Your lights do not need to be so bright that your neighbors are getting a tan.
Numero tres, holiday images including but not limited to Santa, reindeer, elves, and/or Jesus should not be projected on to your house. You are not hosting a drive-in movie. Therefore a holographic nativity scene does not belong on the side of your house. It’s that simple.
Number four, music is not to be played outside. People get that it’s Christmas. Playing “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” 134 times does not make that fact any more true. Furthermore, your neighbors may storm your house when it’s 2 a.m. and “Deck the Halls” starts again for the hundredth time that night. Trust me, they won’t want to deck the halls anymore. They’ll want to deck you. And don’t even get me started on music and programmed lights.
Now that we’ve gotten rid of helium-filled reindeer, light-covered houses, holographic Santas, and outdoor Christmas carols, let’s discuss the do’s of light decorations.
Always, always, always use white lights. You can almost never go wrong. They are the Audrey Hepburn of Christmas lights.
Interior designer Anna Brown explains:
“White lights are much better than colored lights not only because they are classic but also because they create a cohesive picture. The eye is automatically attracted to the image that you are making and not distracted by a dizzying array of colors.”
Use a simple design. One string of lights around the perimeter of your roof and a couple of your trees and bushes, good. Your entire roof covered in lights, bad. The first emits style. The latter evokes images of Elizabeth Taylor’s jewelry.
If you are going through withdrawals from your disposal of inflatable Santa, it’s OK to replace him with a tasteful reindeer. The key word being “tasteful.” Look for ones with a simple design like wood or wire. They should not be more than a couple feet long and definitely should not require any form of air to stand upright. Look for decorations like these at Home Depot or Garden Ridge, not your local drugstore.
Spotlights are also a great way to accent your house. For example, use one to highlight the wreath on your front door. Putting electric candles in the windows is another way to accomplish this effect.
If you still feel that your house looks too plain, you may put an ornament in your yard or on your roof. Again, nothing should be inflatable, plastic, or look like it belongs in the church play. Also, if you have more than one decoration, it should be part of a cohesive set. For example, use multiple reindeer in a row as lawn ornaments, but not a snowman, Santa, and the nativity scene.
As a general rule of thumb, if you put decorations on your roof, then leave your yard alone or vice versa.
“If nothing else, fight the urge to over decorate,” Brown said. “If there is any question in your mind about whether to keep going or to stop, always stop. An understated design is much better than a complicated one gone awry.”
